did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
