All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
