Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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