Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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