the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
