I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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