Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
