It's like God shit irony all over that family
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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