i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
