he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
