you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
