She's JV to your varsity
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
