So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
