Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
