White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
