I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
