so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
