dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
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