i love accidental penises.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
