awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
