Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
