So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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