Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
