We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Randomize
