I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
