One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
