spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i came on her dog
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
