God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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