Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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