i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
