You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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