Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
