Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
