I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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