Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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