Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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