Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
