About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
