I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
