Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
