I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
