Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
