Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
