I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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