I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I just got carded by a ten year old.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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