Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
