hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
