i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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