The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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