They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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