we're chasing vodka with high fives
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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